We are back in Australia, my second country, the country
that has sent us as missionaries. We had to return from Thailand because our
support was low.
Money. Money. Money.
There are so many beautiful things we get to experience as
international Christian workers. We have met some truly beautiful people. We
have been introduced to new languages and cultures and new ways of seeing the
world. And even the many “hurts” or
hardships have helped us to grow in understanding. We understand what it is
like to be “other” and to rarely fully understand what is going on. We know
better how scary it is to ask for things when you don’t have all the words. And
we have experienced even the financial strain of not knowing what we will eat
that week (not often… but it’s happened) or how we will manage yet ANOTHER
round of visa fees, or school fees.
We have seen that in all things God is good.
And this Good God has seen fit that we return early to raise
more funds. And fund raising is the most pride crushing
challenge of this whole “missionary” gig. Although I have often enjoyed meeting
new people, and visiting the many churches we have been privileged to visit;
talking about money, or addressing it all makes me feel yucky. I have, at times, felt like a salesman. I have felt disingenuous. Talking about money is hard hard hard! I am
not a good salesman. Especially when I have felt like my family and I were the
products. It has confronted my concept
of humility, and my self-perception.
But here’s the thing-
I really REALLY believe in what we are doing in
Thailand. We are trying to actively live
out the Gospel with our neighbours, Christian and Buddhist alike. We are
supporting missionaries in rough areas doing important stuff. We are supporting the Thai church to love
people through marriage and family struggles and mental illness. We are speaking value into girls who need to
hear it again and again. And our kids get to see and be a part of all this.
We are actively binding up the broken-hearted, using the gifts
that God has given us.
I am excited about this.
But I struggle so much to present this in person, because it
always feels so connected to money… and I
never EVER want to be accused of “selling”.
I only ever want to BE, and draw people into what God is doing, and how
they can be a part of that too.
I feel like if I can write this down, then perhaps my true
heart, my true desire can be seen. That perhaps we will not appear that we are
selling anything, but only offering a doorway for more Gospel to pour out into
the world.
-Erika-