Wednesday, August 09, 2006

I cannot keep you

Dear Leif,
Soon you will have major surgery and they will take part of your bowel. They feel confident that things will go well...I wish I could feel that way too. I dread the idea of them taking my precious little man as I can only watch you be wheeled away. I wish I could protect you from all that they must do. I wish I could protect you from the days or weeks of discomfort. I wish I could hold your little hand as they slice you up...but Leif, I can't. I am powerless against what must happen. I must wait for years for them to come out of the surgical theatre and tell me that everything went...I must watch as you are given pain medication and no food for days. I cannot keep you from all that will happen. I will simply stand by helplessly in your pain. I cannot keep you from all this...Forgive me.

2 comments:

elnellis said...

our prayers are with you three...
may God have mercy.

The Crystal Sea said...

erica, we are not lost in oz, but in the world of "poo". picture if you will the evil one, loaded down with a poo cart...we, poor humans are standing shoulder to shoulder down a long long road. the evil one is shoveling poo, we each get some. but god is also there, he walks behind our backs, keeping pace with belzebub. as the evil one pauses before us, he must cast a glance at our father, quite over our heads, to assertain what type of poo he will be allowed to dole out. (for there are many kinds of poo) and so with a look and a nod,god holds the line, and restrains the hand of the poo-passer, he cannot give you what he wanted to give you, he must be content with what the father decides, and so the poo is passed. some to you and some to me...some get secret poo, some get massive quantities of poo. some get bodily poo, some get heartache poo. in any case, we all get poo. the odd thing about the poo is that on our side it looks awful, smells bad and really hurts when it hits. but at our backs & out of our sight, it is very attractive and sweet smelling.and as it hits us, gold dust falls at our feet. it is poo-- yet not. and the other strange thing about poo, is that as we look about at the poo flung at our line-mates, ours becomes curiously less smelly. when others tell us about their poo, we are lighter as we walk away, knowing that we are at least not as poo covered as they...so rejoice hon, the poo you have is not from the lord, but chosen by him as the best poo for you. theres a difference and it makes sense to think in those terms, for the battlefield is in the mind. love and prayers for you and chad and your little lief, god chose just for you. he is the cutest..god knows what he's about.mcm