Although I have already steered one child through baby-hood and should be an old pro, I feel way out of my depth with my second. Unlike her brother, she is a nature baby. She will take no dummy, she was solely breastfed, and came out the right hole. Also, unlike her brother, she struggles to gain weight properly and is very tiny. I was led to believe that breastfed babies are the healthiest, but all I have found is exhaustion on behalf of all of us. It seems that Piper has never really gotten enough and so she doesn't sleep well through the night. Breastfeeding is a beautifully emotional experience, and is intimately connected to my sense of myself. We bonded beautifully thanks to being able to breastfeed. She never really had any latching problems, but I have always struggled to make enough. I assumed that once she was eating solids that all our problems would be fixed, but as I relaxed about it, I made even less. As I have wrestled with whether to bottle feed or breastfeed I have become more and more obsessed and confused and not a little hormonal. I wonder now if the benefits of breastfeeding have actually outweighed the benefits of bottle feeding. Leif was a robust baby, despite his disease, and my little nature baby is still battling to gain weight and develop.
I have felt a little misled and disappointed. Piper at 7 mos is smaller than her 5 month old cousin (who was lucky enough to be breastfed and get sufficient amounts!) I adore her fat counter-part, but it always makes me a little sad. I wish that I could have made her fat too. Now that she is nearly entirely bottle fed, I hope that she can give up her battle to get enough food and just focus on sitting up and crawling!
1 comment:
Erika,
As a mother of a 38lb 6 and a half year old, I feel your pain. My youngest has always been below ten percent in height and growth and he nursed till 18 mo by his choice. And you know what? He had enough dirty diapers to be healthy, and he did grow steadily. Sometimes, God makes small kids. DOnt feel guilty unless she seems unhealthy. Is she lethargic? Does she always have clean diapers? Those are unhealthy signs, but if she doesnt have those, if she always shows a little bit of growth, if she loves to be active, she is fine. She may have a very high metabolism. For CHristian, as a 6 year old, he eats mouse meals every 40 min or so, and he is fine. He is always hungry, just burns it off. I will be praying for you. I feel that reading your blog and facebook makes me know you more than in college and I wish we could have started over there. Love to you and Grace and Peace.
Katherine "Kat"
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